Sometimes the Heaviest Burdens can be Lifted by a Kitten

Yesterday could have been a very bad day. It should have been the 31st birthday of my niece, Amanda. December is a tough month. Full of birthdays of people I love that are no longer around. This year on the 15th my Grandpa would have been 105. Maybe that's a high expectation but as a child I took it for granted that he would be around forever. My sister in law, Lori, had a birthday on the 21st. Then Amanda. She died when she was only 20. In a car accident. So, it was sudden. It shouldn't have happened. She and my daughter are 2 weeks apart so they should be talking about babies and husbands and getting older. It was 11 years ago but it doesn't feel like it. Time gets weird when you start getting old.
Yesterday morning a beloved relative died. She was a good one, a nice one. The kind of person that makes you feel loved just by walking into the room. I'm not going to share any personal details because I am not even a close relative. I just married someone and ended up in her family. But she didn't make me feel that way. I only saw her a handful of times in my life but they were important times. We sat together at a funeral recently. She introduced my husband to Uber. That by itself has changed our lives. Who you sit with at a funeral is important. I love funerals because of that reconnection or introduction to relatives you haven't spoken to. Cousins you never see. We rode together to the cemetery and enjoyed each others company. She reminds me of Tio Alofonso. I don't think anyone in my husbands family has been able to make me feel as loved as he did with just a smile. Some people have a light in their heart that is so bright it radiates and fills the room. She came to the hospital when my husband was there and I was scared. I hope she knew how much that meant to me.
Maybe that is why I felt like yesterday was the day that I had to get a kitten. Cleo died 10 months ago. I gave away all of my cat stuff because the grief was so heavy that I didn't think I could bear to love again. My doctors would approve. Last year I found out I am allergic to cats. I have issues with sleep and cats are not good for sleep. But I have a spiritual connection to cats. I have always felt like maybe I'm part cat. Silly, huh? As a child, when I needed a protector I would imagine that I would turn into a big black panther that was so strong and powerful that all the bad stuff would run away. I used to bring in strays from the back yard. At one point I had 7 stray cats in my house. My dad wouldn't allow me to have a cat so I would lie to him and hide the cats. After I grew up I learned that I wasn't as good at it as I thought. He knew more than I realized.
So, I took my granddaughters and my husband out. He drove. First we went to get luminaria supplies. I had paid for them weeks ago. It was a fundraiser for the daughter of a Facebook friend. We were 15 minutes late but fortunately we weren't too late. You can read about the tradition here..http://www.alpinelights.org/The-Tradition.html
Afterward we were going to drive to Salt Lake to look at some cats but I could feel that I was already getting tired. So, I told my husband to go to the local petsmart. We weren't even sure if we would get a cat but we were going to get supplies so that when I found my new buddy we would be ready. There was an adoption event but they turned out to be dogs so that didn't help. There were a lot of people. We went to where the cats were. They had 3 kittens! We decided to look at all 3. First the black furball. She looked like she was barely weened. So cute! Then a seal point siamese. 3 months old. That one was mellow. Then a gray furry one probably about 6 months old. It looked like it could be maine coon which was what I had been looking for. She just sat in my lap and purred. You can't rush these decisions. It may have been easier if I didn't have 2 excited little girls. I decided to listen to my spirit. The one I had the best connection with was the siamese. Weird. I have never wanted a siamese. They only took cash so Antar went to get cash while the girls and I shopped for kitty stuff. I was overwhelmed. Why did I get rid of everything?! It felt like so much to get and so much money and so many decisions. An employee came by and talked to me about it. She brought me a checklist and coupons and said that may help. It did. What really helped was when I reminded myself that we didn't need EVERYTHING. We got the most important things. We got our kitty and we left.
When I got in the car I looked at my phone and saw that the father of a friend at work had died that morning. That felt heavy. I was sad for my friend and it reminded me that I really miss that connection of seeing those people every day.
Then I decided to take a picture of my kitty to post it on Facebook.

Since we have been home I have had so many emotions. I haven't had a kitten in 15 years! I have gotten older, declawed, mellow cats. This guy is running around getting into stuff, scratching furniture and pouncing on me when I sleep! I woke up thinking, "why didn't I get the grey one?" I know why. I followed my heart.
Now I have a friend to follow me around when I can't sleep at 2:30am.

Today is Christmas eve. My grandchildren will help me with some decorating and tonight we will put the luminarias out front to light the way for Christmas day. As we light them we will think of the ones we have loved that have moved on. Grandpa, Lori, Amanda, Marcus, Tio Alfonso, Ana, my friend's dad and many more.
Merry Christmas