I returned to work on Monday, May 22, 2017. I didn't get well. I just decided I could do it. A lot has happened in the last few months but I'm not going to get into that right now. On Tuesday, there was a work activity where we went to the park, played games and ate. I went. I played the little that I could. It was fun. But the best thing I did was remember.
As a child my favorite day of the year at school was track and field day. I enjoyed the long jump. I loved the hurdles. I was never much for team sports but I enjoyed challenging myself. I loved climbing trees.
In middle school we did track for a few weeks and I loved it. Especially the hurdles. I have long legs and it felt good to soar over the hurdles. I still remember the feel of the track under my feet as I would run and fly.
In high school I danced. I was in a performing arts high school. I danced 4-6 hours a day. I loved modern and ballet. I loved the grand jete. That feeling again of flying through the air. I dreamt of dancing with Mikhail Baryshnikov.
In college I tried dancing again several times but something had changed. My body didn't move like it used to. It was slower and it hurt. Eventually I switched to music. But even with that I was slow, my timing was off. My ear didn't work as it should.
I never gave up on fitness. I always thought if I work a little harder eventually I will get there. As recently as December I saw my trainer and was lifting weights. He became concerned and had me sit in his office until he thought I was well enough to go home.
Now I use a walker. I never know when I will need to sit down or put my feet up. I have dysautonomia. My neurological system doesn't work the way it should. I still push myself to do as much as I can but it is a lot less than I used to do. When I left the park on Tuesday I was in pain from doing more than I could handle and dehydrated from getting too much sun.
In my mind I can still run and fly through the air.
