I was going to delete this blog and start a new one. But then I opened it and said meh, why start over. I would like to be a little more anonymous. It's scary putting myself out there like that. So, what has happened since September? Well... I did get down to 169 pounds which is the highest number in the healthy weight range for my height. But around that time I just couldn't stand medifast a minute longer!!! So, I started eating everything in sight. A few months ago I started the whole 30. I did it for 6 weeks and got back down to 172. Then one day I went to JCWs and haven't gotten back on track since. Last night I weighed myself at the grocery store and I was 184.
Earlier this week I decided I don't want my blog to be about my weight anymore. I want to focus on more positive things. I love volunteering. I think I will start posting about that. It is something I am currently doing, not something I hope to achieve one day. I love it.
This morning I had an epiphany. I have had unrealistic expectations of myself as a Granny!!! I have 7 grandchildren and 2 on the way. The oldest one is 4. My mom is a a really wonderful Grandmother and Mother. She was always there for me when I was having my children. She cooked for us, babysat for us. She was in the room when they were born (except for the emergency c section). She cared for me and my kids after my c section. I was a single mom at the time. When my next child was born and I had remarried and moved to Utah she came and stayed with me for 2 months so she could take care of me. She was there for all of my brother, Jack's, children too. His wife was a stay at home mom and she and my mom formed a very strong bond. When my brother's wife died they all lived with her as they got used to the life change. The grandkids all call her Nanny.
Then there is me. I have had to work most of the time I have been raising kids. I cannot tell you how many times I quit my job because my kids needed me. I know it sounds irresponsible but I felt like not being there for my kids was irresponsible. I was actually out on disability part of the time because I just couldn't figure out the balance. I experienced a nervous breakdown. They are real. I really admire successful working moms. I finally got better at it but I feel like I missed so much. Everyone talks about the struggle of being a working mom but I have never heard anyone talk about the struggle of being a working Granny. I'm much better at working now. My kids are grown so I am learning to take care of myself. I'm learning that when I am too selfless it really doesn't benefit anyone. I am learning my truth of who I am. I will come back to that in another post. All of my grandchildren have been born in a different state than where I was living at the time. I was in the waiting room when my 6th grandchild was born and this last one I participated in via FaceTime. I always look for time & money to travel to where they are soon after they are born so I can see them. That involved a visit to Florida, Washington DC, Utah(when I didn't live here) and several trips to Idaho. I am having a hard time balancing who I think I should be with who I really am. What kind of Granny am I? Well, here is what I know so far... I like lots of hugs. I like to keep in touch and know what everyone is doing. I would love to have a close relationship with my daughters in law but I realize that we all work and live in different states. It is not realistic to expect what my mom had with my brother's wife. We can keep in touch and look for common interests. I like spending one on one time with my grandchildren, getting to know them and who they really are. That old saying is meaning a lot more to me now. "It's quality, not quantity." That is what I will remember when it comes to time with my family. They can be proud of me for different things, like having a cool job or going to college. They will me able to say..."My Granny goes to college!" Maybe they will be proud of my volunteer efforts. No matter what. I know they love me.
4 generations. My granddaughter, my daughter, me & my mom.
