Muchness

My last post was not for the faint of heart. And I learned today that it was too much for one of my dear beloved friends. A friend that I was free and open with my thoughts and feelings because I thought she could handle anything. I found out she can't. I wept. I wept because I don't like triggering my friends. I wept because I want desperately to tell her everything.

I have had hours to analyze this. At first I was just all feelings. I couldn't even put words to all of the feelings. Now, I realize there is no one person that can handle all of me all of the time. Part of this came to me after I hugged my husband and said, "Tell me that I am not too much." He did as he was told. He hugged me and told me, "You're not too much." Then looked at me quizically. I realized in that moment that the reason that I am not too much is because I spread myself out among my friends. There are times when he wants me to be quiet or let him rest.

I was feeling that I was too much muchness for anyone to handle.

Then I told a friend on Facebook that I loved her. She thanked me for speaking up. She said that I give all of the quiet people afraid to speak, a voice. She said that someday she will tell me her story. That was exactly what I needed to hear and I didn't even know it. I told her I loved her even more.

I have decided that I am too much for any one friend or person to handle. And that's ok. I have LOTS of friends. I have LOTS of people who love me. So, if none of them can handle all of my blog posts and Facebook posts and YouTube videos.... That's ok.

I still have wonderful friends. And the one I started talking about in the beginning is one of my favorites. There is one person that can handle all of me. It's me! :D I am uniquely qualified. So, I will go forward in my wild, impetuous, uniqueness. I will expand and contract with the moon. I will continue with my muchness.

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash