My first marriage, my husband and I argued almost every day about the father of my oldest child. It was so stressful. I knew he was the father but he didn't believe me. Do you want to know why? Because I didn't bleed when I lost my virginity.
That is a myth. Do you know that story about an intact hymen proving a girl is a virgin? LIES!!! Which, duh! I should have figured out on my own but I will forgive my naive ignorance. If there was an impenetrable barrier what would have happened with all of my super heavy periods from age 11 to 15 before I was raped? All that blood and guck would have been trapped inside me. I passed some huge clots! But guess what?! It is perpetuated by the medical community.
When I was 15 and pregnant my mom took me to the doctor for my first pelvic exam. Hooray! Not! He said that my hymen was still intact so I was technically still a virgin. My brain didn't know what to do with that. He also said that he had 3 couples ready to take my baby right now! I didn't realize until now how much that freaked me out! We never went back. He scared the shit out of me. And I knew that I had sex with my baby's father multiple times. So, how did it make sense that I was still a virgin. I had been sexually abused, raped and had sex with my boyfriend. It meant that it made sense that I didn't bleed when I had sex or even when I was raped.
So, I left my abusive husband at the tender age of 18. I ended up moving in with another man who I intended to marry. I usually refer to him as my second husband. It didn't work out. Two weeks after I left him I discovered that I was pregnant again. And again everyone thought they needed to solve the mystery of who the father was. All anyone needed to do was ask me and I would tell them. But I guess that wasn't as interesting.
1991 This lady that was a friend of my sister in law, grabbed my baby, pulled up his shirt and lowered his diaper to look at his lower back. Then she declared: "Nope. He's not Mexican. Mexican/American babies have a bruise on their lower back. My kids have it. I will show you." The worst part of this was that it proved to me that my brother and his wife doubted what I said about who the father of my child was. They had clearly been discussing it with this friend.
I will digress for a moment to discuss her proclamation. I have no idea about heritage that causes a discoloration on a child's lower back. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say it is a thing. But! It is not a Mexican/American thing. I will tell you why.
Mexican is not a color. There are Mexicans of every color and origin.
American is not a color. There are Americans of every color and origin.
Therefore you could put one Mexican and one American together and get any color or origin. So you would not be guaranteed any one specific outcome.
So, I married a Mexican and we had a 4th child. He adopted the other 3. We were a family. It is great. We combined his culture with our culture. Which is Mexican/American. Our children were exposed to English and Spanish. They went to Mexico for weddings, funerals and baptisms. They attended weddings, funerals and baptisms in the USA. They had aunts, uncles, and cousins in Mexico. They had aunts, uncles and cousins in the USA. They had abuelos(Mexican grandparents) and grandparents.
Let's talk color. I have 2 children with blue eyes, 1 child with chocolate brown eyes, and 1 child with hazel eyes. When they were little we had a game where we would hold all of our arms up side by side and compare skin color. They were all different. No 2 arms were the same color. I still am the fairest. Do you know what I have learned? That can happen in families where all of the children have the same exact biological parents! Fascinating! Right?
Maybe that is why my last husband is the keeper. He never doubted me. He knew that I was telling the truth. Beside that, it didn't matter. It didn't matter because he knew that he was their REAL father. Fatherhood is not about sperm. Yes, I love DNA. I think it is fascinating. But my children only have one real father. He's the one they call when they need advice or a babysitter. He is the one that made sure their needs were met. He is the one that did his best to make sure that they were happy and healthy. He is a Mexican. He was born in Mexico City. That is why my kids are all Mexican/American. His culture is their culture. His family is their family. It was a conscious decision that took a lot of time, thought, effort, money and sacrifice.
The American biodads never did that. They had the opportunity and they rejected it. I asked for help and they denied their parentage. So, if you ever think you know better than I do how Mexican my children are...think again.
Mexican is not a color.
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