Un intento de explicar la importancia de la gotea de fluido de la espina de Antar

 Es una cosa hablar en español y es más difícil hablar de cosas medicales en español cuando no es su primer idioma. Pero eso es importante. Pido paciencia. La estrés hace más difícil comunicarme en mi primer idioma y es mucho más difícil en otra.

He decidido que sera buena que explico más porque esa cita médica es tan importante para Antar.

La primera vez que teníamos que viajar por razones médicas fue en Febrero 2001. Era nuestro primera vez en Minnesota. No hemos viajado mucho antes de este viaje entonces tenía un elemento de diversión. Nunca hubiéramos visto tanta nieve. Ese fue nuestro introduccion a la Clínica Mayo. Esa clínica sentí como un milagro para Antar. Estábamos allí por una semana antes de regresar a la casa en Utah. 

Antar tiene una condición rara que en realidad no tiene nombre. Algunos doctores dicen que es una variación de sindrome Klippel Trenaunay Weber pero algunos doctores dicen que no tiene el criterio por que su condición es tan extensivo.

El tiene todas las venas y arterias y vasos linfáticos que todos tenemos. En todo su cuerpo han formado "malformaciones". Los malformaciones están formado por una combinación de todo de estos vasos. Piensa en 3 series de bombillas de navidad enredados o 3 collares anudados. Ahora en su mente los cambian en mangueras. Son mangueras blandos. La teoría es que el nacio con todas las malformaciones dentro de su cuerpo. Cuando el nacio, los malformaciones eran como globos desinflados. 

Todos forman coágulos pequeños. Es normal. Normalmente están tan pequeños que pueden flotar sin causar daño. Para Antar estas coágulos pueden hacerse atascado y causar que estas globos se inflan. Llenan con sangre y líquido linfático. Crezcan mas grande y mas grande y toman espacio que es para otras cosas como músculos, nervios y todo que tenemos en nuestros cuerpos. Esto es muy doloroso para Antar y es algo con que he vivido por toda su vida. Se empeora cada año. 

La primer malformación que estaba encontrado cuando él solamente tenía 2 años de edad. Un doctor lo quitó de su quello. Antar fue muy cansado como niño y nadie entendió por qué. Como joven él empezó jugar deportivos y más malformaciones apareció fuera de su cuerpo. El no sabia que era peor dentro de su cuerpo. Puso una rodillera.  Encontró una malformación abajo de un pie. La empujó para intentar hacerla plana. La compression ayuda. 

Nos mudamos a Minnesota para que el pudiera tener el cuidado médico que necesitaba todo el tiempo en la Clínica Mayo en el año 2003. 

En el año 2004 descubrimos que una de sus malformaciones era conectada con su colon y estaba compartiendo fluidas allí. Estaba causando fiebres. Los doctores hicieron una colonoscopia y cauterizo la el lugar en donde el líquido estaba entrando y saliendo. El sano de esta problema. 

Esto no es una historia completa de su salud. Doy esta ejemplo por que me ayuda explicar que esta pasando ahora. Antar ha sufrido con estas dolores de cabeza espinal desde el año 2011. A veces son muy muy mal. Los doctores piensan que el tiene gotea de fluido de la espina pero no califica con la criteria normal entonces se confunden. El mejoro casi cada vez que tomaban líquido de su espina para hacer pruebas. Eso no tiene sentido. El he estado hospitalizado 2 veces por esta problema.   En este año que hemos estado en Arizona nada ha mejorado su dolor. Estamos viviendo en Arizona. El está cuidado en la Clínica Mayo. Ningún doctor aquí sabe que puede hacer para ayudarle. Un doctor mandó un volante a una especialista en Minnesota. El respondió que no puede ayudar. La gotea de fluida es tan profundo que su cerebro esta bajando a su columna espinal. El necesita alivio.

Yo tenia una teoria que la misma problema que ha pasado en su colon estaba pasando ahora en su columna espinal. Que liquido espinal estaba saliendo a una malformación. Yo pense que por eso no pudieron encontrar en donde estaba saliendo. 

Uno de sus neurólogos aquí dijeron que hay 2 doctores en este país quién puede ayudar a Antar. Uno está en North Carolina y el otro está en California. Antar agregó con cuidado toda la información importante y todas las imágenes y los mandó a ese doctor en California. El doctor nos llamó para hablar de la situación. 

El dijo que el líquido espinal estaba saliendo dentro de una de las malformaciones. Necesitamos venir a California para que el puede hacer pruebas y arreglar la problema. Hay una procedimiento que tiene un índice de exito de 70%. Hay una cirugía que tiene un índice de exito de 99%. El doctor no va a saber cual necesita hacer hasta lleguemos y puede hacer pruebas. Esperemos que Antar no necesita cirugía por que con todas sus malformaciones Antar esta en alto riesgo para cirugía. Especialmente tan profundo en su cuerpo.

Entonces nos acordemos hacer una cita sin dinero con que pudiéramos pagar por los gastos de viajar. Ellos hicieron una cita pronto y teníamos que cambiar la fecha para tener mas tiempo de preparar. Yo empece un gofundme. Yo hice reservaciones en un hotel cerca al doctor. Yo hable con el seguro para confirmar que todos los gastos médicos serán cubiertos.  

Vamos en 5 dias.

Estoy aterrada.

Y tengo esperanza.

Todavía faltamos dinero que necesitamos por comida, hotel, gasolina, tarifas de estacionar....pero vamos. Vamos a confiar y rendirnos. A veces es todo que pueda hacer. 

Tengo un plan. Si Antar se muere yo se a quien puedo llamar para cuidarme. No voy a estar abandonada sola en California. 

Pero en realidad tengo mucha esperanza que esa doctor va a tener éxito y Antar va a sentir mucho mejor antes de salirnos de California. Tengo esperanza que va a tener la salud de caminar con nuestros perros de nuevo. Tengo esperanza que va a poder jugar con sus nietos de nuevo. Tengo esperanza que va a poder trabajar en su carro de nuevo. 

Es por eso que tomamos riesgos locos. Por que la potential algo mejor es tan buena que vale el riesgo. 

Por favor contactarme si tiene alguna pregunta.

Why Is Antar's Spinal Fluid Leak Such A Big Deal?

I have been so stressed that it is affecting my communication. It frustrates me because when I am stressed I need people to understand me more than ever. Especially the people closest to me. But it isn't just one person so I know that I am the common factor. 

I decided it would be good to explain more about why this appointment for Antar is such a big deal. 

The first time we traveled for medical care was in February 2001. That was our first time in Minnesota. We didn't travel much so there was an element of fun. We had never seen so much snow. That was our introduction to the Mayo Clinic. They were like a miracle for Antar. We were there for a week and we went home. 

Antar has a rare condition that doesn't really have a name. Some say it is a variant of Klippel Trenaunay Weber syndrome but we have also been told that it doesn't meet the criteria because of how extensive his condition is. 

He has all of the normal veins and arteries and lymph vessels that everyone else has. And all over his body they have formed "malformations". The malformations are made of a combination of these vessels. Think of 3 strings of christmas lights tangled together, or 3 chains tied in a knot. But then change them to hoses. They are soft hoses. The theory is that he was born with all of these malformations of hoses(vessels). When he was born they were like deflated balloons. 

We all form little clots. It is normal. For most of us they just flow through and don't cause any damage. For Antar they can get stuck and cause the hoses to fill. Then the deflated vessels fill up with blood and lymphatic fluid. They get bigger and bigger. They take up space meant for other things. The other things are muscles, nerves, everything that we have in our bodies. That is painful for him.

The first inflated one was found when he was 2 years old. The doctor removed it from his neck. He was tired as a child and no one knew why. As a teenager he began playing sports and more malformations popped up on the outside of his body. He didn't know that it was even worse on the inside. He wore a knee brace. There was one on the bottom of his foot. He would push on it and try to flatten it. Compression does help. 

We moved to Minnesota so he could get care all the time at the Mayo Clinic in 2003. 

In 2004 we discovered that one of the malformations was connected to his colon and exchanging fluid there. It was causing him to have fevers. The doctors did a colonoscopy and were able to cauterize the opening. He was able to get better. 

This is not his complete medical history. I give you that example because it helps me explain what is happening now. He has been struggling with these spinal headaches since 2011. Sometimes they get really bad. The doctors think he has a spinal fluid leak but he doesn't meet the normal criteria so they get confused. He would improve after they would remove fluid for testing. That made no sense. He has been hospitalized twice. This past year nothing has made it better. We are living in Arizona. He goes to the Mayo Clinic. No doctor here knows what to do. They sent a referral to Minnesota and they said that they couldn't help. The leak is so bad that his brain is sagging into his spinal column. He needs relief.

I had a theory that the same thing was happening in his spinal column now that had been happening in his colon before. That the spinal fluid was leaking into a malformation. That is why they couldn't find the leak. 

One of his neurologists here said that there are 2 doctors in the country who can help him. One is in North Carolina and one is in California. Antar carefully gathered all of his relevant records and images and sent them to this doctor in California. The doctor called and spoke to us. 

He said that the spinal fluid was leaking into one of the malformations. We need to come to California for him to run tests and fix it. There is a procedure with a 70% success rate. There is a surgery with a 99% success rate. He will not know which will need to be done until we get there. We hope he doesn't need the surgery because with all of the malformations, Antar is very high risk for surgery. Especially that deep into his body. 

So, we agreed to make an appointment with no money to pay for travel expenses. They made the appointment too fast and we rescheduled so we could have more time to prepare. I started a gofundme. I made the hotel reservations. I talked to the insurance to make sure everything medical is covered. 

We leave in 5 days. 

I am terrified. 

And I have hope. 

We still don't have as much money as we need for food, gas, hotel, parking.... But we are going. We are going to just trust and surrender. 

I have a plan so that if he dies I know who to call so that I am not stranded in California by myself. 

But I really and truly hope that this procedure will be successful and he will be feeling much better before we leave California. I hope he will be well enough to walk the dogs again. I hope that he will be well enough to enjoy playing with his grandchildren again. I hope that he will be well enough to work on his car again. 

That is why we take crazy risks. Because the potential outcome is worth the risk.

Please let me know if you have any questions. 

Covid Day 13 - It's Easter?

 I brushed my teeth. 

That's important. I used to be the person who thought there was nothing more important than brushing my teeth when I woke up. 

Now it's coffee. Nothing is more important than coffee when I wake up. 

But in December I watched as my mother received dental implants. I really don't recommend that. Then a few months later I went to the dentist where they told me how important it is that I take care of my teeth so that I don't lose them. 

Ugh. 

There is absolutely no room in my life for covid but it came anyway. 

Symptoms: fatigue, who cares what else. The fatigue is horrid. 

I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome at 19. I learned how to live with it. With every diagnosis it gets worse. I don't even know how to describe this level of fatigue. Will I ever get out of bed? I need to brush my hair. 

I am prioritizing medication, food, fluids and brushing my teeth. 

I have a business to run and I sell pawTree. I saw that my upline posted that it is important to get dressed, put on shoes, do your hair and makeup every day! I agree. But I can't remember the last time I changed my pants. Putting on shoes feels like an excessive goal. But I do need money to pay my bills. She says it is about relationships. I should talk to 1 person per day about their pets. That could help me with my isolation too. Is it appropriate to start on Easter? 

Hmmm. I have a friend who dressed her pets up as easter bunnies. I could start with her. 

But first I will brush my hair.

I used a tiktok filter to make myself look not sick in this photo. 

Covid 19 - Through the Eyes of a Sarcoidosis Warrior

 What is fact? What is truth? I am waxing philosophical as I sometimes do. I am learning that memories are not 100 percent truth and fact. I am a fallible human so I will share my facts and truths to the best of my ability. 

This is my story of covid 19. The nightmare that rocked the world and the awareness that it gave me that the Influenza Pandemic of the 1920s was more than just a story. Mostly I am writing this so that someone can have my perspective if they are faced with a Pandemic of their own. 

I don't remember the first time I heard about the pandemic on TV. I believe it started in December 2019 but it wasn't really on my radar at that time. I lived in my daughter's basement. It was a nice basement. 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and a kitchen, dining room and living room. Probably around 1,500 square feet. We had a cat named Mele Kalikimaka who had been with us a little over 2 years. Upstairs my daughter lived with her husband and 4 children, my grandchildren. The best part of living there was seeing all of them every day. We lived there for a little over 5 years. 

I had been forced to quit school and work in 2017 due to my health. I  had been diagnosed with Dysautonomia and Sarcoidosis. Those weren't my only health issues. That was really difficult for me because I love to accomplish things and meet people. I am an extrovert. I like to retreat sometimes but only for short periods of time. 

My husband had been disabled since 2000. We lived on our disability income. Our daughter would sometimes talk about wanting a larger house. My husband and I had always enjoyed looking at houses. We found a realtor on Zillow who we were looking at houses with. Our daughter decided she wasn't ready. The realtor started finding houses just for us. We thought it was a fantasy. We didn't think we could buy a house on our income. But we didn't have anything better to do. Whenever someone would ask if we were buying a house I would say "I don't know." Because I didn't. It felt like I was swept up in a whirlwind. 

Looking back, there was a definite energetic shift. I don't know what caused it. Maybe it was the pandemic. It affected all of my relationships. I think that is why we were searching for a house without me establishing that I was on board.

In March of 2020 we found our house. I loved that house so much. It was a 3 level townhouse. It was located so that driving from my daughter's house to my house was not scary and we could do it every day. I didn't want to see my family less. It was convenient for my home health nurse. None of my health care would change. It was perfection. The neighborhood was beautiful. I have a tickle of a memory of looking at that house after we were under contract wondering... Are we moving in a pandemic? What does that mean? Is it safe?

We did it. We bought a house in the beginning of a pandemic in Eagle Mountain, Utah. I definitely didn't know what that meant. 

We moved into our new home in March. The day we closed on the house we bought 2 puppies from the Puppy Store. We knew almost immediately that was a bad idea. But it was done. They were very firm about no refunds. 

We put all of our focus into moving, unpacking, organizing and beautifying our home. Oh, and training our 2 little service dogs and learning how to care for them. We went from seeing family every day to almost never. Everyone said that it wasn't safe for people like me to interact with children. We started wearing masks and we still have an endless supply of masks and hand sanitizer. We became really good at ordering online. I signed up for so many online courses. I became a certified Tarot reader and a certified crystal therapist. 

Covid began during a political nightmare in the United States of America. I was still working when Donald Trump became president. I remember the morning after he was elected going to work in Salt Lake and seeing my friend Phay. We embraced each other and sobbed for a moment. There were many times during the pandemic when I would have loved to do that again. She understood me. I felt betrayed by the political system. Donald Trump publicly said that all Mexicans who came into the USA were rapists and murderers before he was elected. My husband is Mexican. Donald Trump publicly said that it was okay to go up to a married woman and grab her by the pussy. I couldn't believe that was on TV! I am a woman. Half of the USA is female. There were so many more examples of how he was bad for our country but he was elected anyway. This came on the heels of my faith crisis. I couldn't trust the church I was raised in, I couldn't trust the government of my country. I couldn't trust my health. And now all my friends and family were being divided by politics and I was being advised to stay away from everyone because I was high risk. 

I am an extrovert. I missed my friends, I missed my family. It hurt to be isolated. I didn't get to meet my neighbors. 

I had been politically active since being diagnosed with Sarcoidosis in 2017. In 2019 I had gone to capitol hill and gotten runners injuries on both knees by walking around to meetings with all of the Utah senators and representatives. I was teaching them about the Orphan Drug Act and why it was so important to continue funding the NIH (national institute of health). I had returned to DC for more advocacy training in February 2020 before we knew about the pandemic. Now all advocacy had to be done online. There was such division. 

One team said, follow the government blindly. Wear a mask, use hand sanitizer, don't leave your house. 

One team said, the government is betraying us, covid is not real, don't wear a mask, don't use hand sanitizer, carry on as usual. 

Yes there were people in between and at further extremes. The one that hurt the most was when people would say, "It is only killing the sick and elderly. That's ok. We don't have to worry about it." That made me feel expendable. 

During this time my insurance decided to pay for my IVIG (intravenous immunoglobulin). That was amazing. I was feeling better than ever. My doctor believed it was good to protect me against covid. I was doing so well that I was starting to think about returning to work. That lasted for 6 months. Then my insurance said that they wouldn't pay for it anymore. So, my health slowly declined again. That was frustrating. 

We survived 2020. It is really hard to stay on guard for an entire year. It is exhausting. My mom saved up money and she and I spent a week in Sedona in May 2021. It was marvelous. We are both into energy healing. We looked for vortices. We went to the church on the rock. My mother painted that church before I was born and I had never been there. It was such a beautiful, spiritual experience. Neither of us are catholic but the energy in that church is so beautiful that it didn't matter. We loved it. We ate at fun restaurants, met a friend in Arcosante, we looked at art. We went to a bead shop and bought what we needed to make malas. We went to native american gift shops. It really was marvelous. 

After returning home I received some terrible news. My disability insurance had decided that they were giving me too much money. They wanted me to return $40,000 and they were going to reduce my monthly income. I didn't know what to do. I asked my dad for money. He helped for 2 months and then said he couldn't keep doing that. We decided the only thing to do was to sell our home. We contacted the realtor who had helped us to buy it. We were doing everything we were supposed to do when tragedy struck July 2021. 

Our 1996 mustang burst into flames when it was started to pull it back into the garage. The nose of it was in the garage. The flames consumed the inside of the garage and licked up the front of the house. The smoke filled the house. That is the day we met most of our neighbors. The fire trucks filled our street. It was surreal. It was a Sunday. My daughter didn't want us to spend the night in the house. We were in shock. She couldn't get us to move. 

The next day the first people to help us came. Fortunately we had good insurance. Unfortunately, there was a pandemic and we didn't know what we were doing. We got into a hotel that night. We thought we would be there for a month. Someone took all of our clothes and things to wash. The insurance gave us an allowance for food and clothing and we moved to a 400 sq ft hotel room with 2 dogs and a cat. We were there for 9 months. 

Being paranoid and confused about covid, being chronically ill with a lung disease and living in a hotel is a horrible combination. I did tarot readings for hotel staff. I kept bringing more and more stuff into the hotel to make it feel like home. My home health nurse continued to come to give me my fluids twice a week. I am so grateful to her. She was my lifeline through covid and the fire. 

The hotel was not a picnic. There were multiple false fire alarms. They terrified us and compounded our trauma. We were on the 3rd floor so when the alarm would go off we had to get our dogs, cat and my walker down 3 flights of stairs before we could take deep breaths and calm down. 

There was a housekeeper who saw my checkbooks while cleaning our room and decided it would be a good idea to write herself checks and cash them. That removed any sense of safety that I had. I cleaned my own room after that. We had to get new bank accounts. It made me realize how many people had a key to my hotel room. 

I had no safety. 

The following October I was in a car accident. I didn't have emotional space for that. I sat in the car and beat on the steering wheel and screamed for a while. It took a while before I could speak without screaming. 

No more stress. No more stress.

Then one day our neighbor texted us that there was water coming into her basement from our house. I rushed over to find that the basement toilet was leaking and had flooded the basement. Another claim on our insurance. I called my dad and I called the man in charge of the fire restoration. All of the items that had been cleaned because of fire were in boxes on our basement floor in about 4 inches of water. 

Sometimes you just keep going even when it feels like you can't.

I went to visit my parents in early 2022. My father asked me to move back to Phoenix. I really wanted to move to the Oregon coast. But after discussing it with my husband we decided to move back to Phoenix. 

In April 2022 we were finally able to move out of the hotel and sell our house. 

We paid our debts and took a 30th anniversary trip. 

We drove to Idaho and saw our son graduate with his doctorate as a Nurse Practitioner. We drove to Oregon to see my good friend and I became and Usui Reiki Master. While we were in Oregon, Antar got really sick. Then we drove to the ocean. I was so excited to see the ocean. It was amazing. The dogs loved it too. We drove down the Oregon coast and stayed in the redwoods. We were at a campground in the middle of the forest with no cell service and no wifi. There was a storm. Antar slept for 2 days while I twiddled my thumbs. It was beautiful and relaxing even if I was bored out of my mind. I was able to borrow old movies from the front office to watch. I walked the dogs, took some photos and napped. 

We continued down the coast until it was time to turn inward to get to Ukiah, California. We were paying for all of the lodging for this trip with the points we had earned staying in a hotel for 9 months. That was pretty awesome. We got to see where our son in law had grown up. We spent time with his parents. We went to his gravesite. It was really nice. Northern California is beautiful. We saw Granny's farm. She has a horse that acts like a dog. 

Next it was off to San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge. I never knew that I wanted to see that but it was exciting. Any time I was near the ocean I felt this high that I can't express. The ocean gives me life. We continued down the coast stopping at the ocean as much as possible. We took a detour to Walnut, California and tried to locate where my mother grew up and went to school. It looks nothing like it did in the 1940s and 50s but it was fun to try. 

We finally got into Phoenix, Arizona late in May. We stayed at the crown plaza until our house was ready and we moved in at the beginning of June 2022. We did all of that without getting covid. We had our 2 covid vaccines. That was a big deal because after each one I was sick in bed for 9 days. We continued wearing masks and using hand sanitizer and avoiding large gatherings. 

I have always been great at packing and moving. I have been told many times that I should write a book. This was the most difficult move that I have ever done. I am writing this in April 2023 and I am still not unpacked yet. We had enough boxes and furniture to fill a 2,000 sq ft house and we had a 1,000 sq ft house with no garage. This is the house we owned from 1997-1999. We had little kids and a lot less stuff back then. My health had declined a lot in that hotel and I didn't realize it. I had more than my share of stress. 

I quit my advocacy work. I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was too much. In Arizona I am busier than I was in Utah. That is because my family is here. I see my parents regularly. That is why I am here. I am managing their healthcare, my husbands healthcare and my healthcare. I should say co-managing. Or is it assisting. That is it. I am assisting with their healthcare. Another big lesson that I have learned is that reestablishing healthcare when you are chronically ill is really hard. If I had known I probably would have stayed in Utah. That is not true. I would have come because my father asked me to. But it has been hard. 

Covid has been hard on healthcare in Phoenix. Maybe because it is such a big city. Finding primary doctors here took months. The one that we found is so busy. She only sees patients one day per week and she had to give us special permission to get appointments. She is not at Mayo. She is at Banner. So, I got all 4 of us to see the same primary doctor. 

Things I have sacrificed for healthcare in Arizona: I don't have my home health nurse. I miss her so much! I used to get fluids through my port twice a week. I have not found a doctor to prescribe that here. I used to have oxygen that I could use as needed. I also had an oxygen concentrator that I used while sleeping. I have not had either of those since I left Utah. I had the best physical therapist in Utah. She did massage. There were times that I would go in with a migraine and leave without one. I have not found someone to replace her. I really miss my primary care doctor too. She was always available to me and she even gave me hugs. I am taking a lot more pain meds now. I need to do something about that.

There are some good things. The Mayo Clinic has been really good for my husband. They have done lots of testing trying to figure out what is wrong with me. And I love being close to my parents and Edna and my nieces and nephews. 

So, after 3 years of covid I decided to let my guard down. I have been working hard at establishing my business online. I still have a lot to learn. Part of that was purchasing a series of retreats. I went to the first one in Hurricane, Utah. It was amazing!!! I flew to St George. Two of my best friends picked me up from the airport. That alone was worth the trip. I love them!!! We went for lunch. Then we drove to glitter mountain where we collected selenite off the ground. That was a new level of happy for me. Oh my gosh!! I felt like a cat in catnip. I wanted to roll in it like Scrooge McDuck rolls in his money. One lady said that I looked like a princess squatting in the selenite. It was amazing. The driving was a little scary but that made it more fun. They dropped me off at my retreat. That was amazing too!!! I spent 2 whole days and nights with 15 fabulous female entrepreneurs. I learned about human design and so much more. I did some card readings. I connected with fabulous women. I just can't express how it fed my soul. Another close friend picked me up after it was over. We went for smoothies again and she took me to the airport. We had the best conversation and connection. I love her. I flew home. I did forget to wear my mask on that flight. I put it on when we landed. My husband picked me up. It wasn't long before I was tired and grumpy. 

The next day he left for Mexico. I went to help my parents. That day I hugged my husband before he got on a plane. I hugged my nephew. I hugged both of my 83 year old parents. I hugged my 62 year old brother. Then I went home and went to bed because I was so tired. Lets see how well I can remember what happened next.

Day 1. Tuesday March 28, 2023 That afternoon I realized that I wasn't just tired I was sick. I went to bed and have been there ever since. Symptoms: fatigue, pain, congestion. I took some NyQuil.

Day 2. Wednesday March 29, 2023 I decided to take a covid test. It was positive. I was shocked. I had never had a positive covid test before and I had taken so many. The fatigue is so intense. I needed to fill my insulin pump but I didn't have the energy. Symptoms: fatigue, pain, congestion, cough, fever. I am taking NyQuil every 6 hours when awake. And pain meds. I had a fall the previous Saturday and my tailbone and spine really hurt. 

Day 3. Thursday March 30, 2023 I told everyone who I had seen in the past week that I had covid. No one else is sick. I wonder where I got it from. I am glad that I didn't get anyone sick. Symptoms unchanged. I got a telehealth doctor appointment for Friday.

Day 4. Friday March 31, 2023 I saw the doctor. She explained that there was a risk with Paxlovid that it would make the symptoms go away for a little while but then they would come back worse. With my delicate health it was better to let the virus take its course.

Day 5. Saturday April 1, 2023 Taking care of myself and the dogs has been very difficult. Other than NyQuil, I am not doing well at keeping up with my medications. 

Day 6. Sunday April 2, 2023 I am so lonely. I don't like being lonely. I am glad that I have so many choices to watch on TV. 

Day 7. Monday April 3, 2023 My brain doesn't feel like it works. I need to pay bills. One of them is late already. It is so difficult to do anything. I manage to pay bills. I don't know if I did it correctly or not. 

Day 8. Tuesday April 4, 2023 I feel like I have been doing too much. That is funny because I only get out of bed to go to the bathroom or feed myself or my dogs. 

Day 9. Wednesday April 5, 2023 I test negative for covid. My son disagrees. It doesn't matter. I don't feel well enough to go anywhere. I find out that my mom didn't go to the cardiologist because I was too sick to go with her. 

Day 10. Thursday April 6, 2023 Migraine! Ugh. Still taking NyQuil. I take some Nurtec. I do even less than I have been doing. I ask for help. My nephew cleans up the dog poop in the yard and takes the trash cans to the street. My daughter brings me NyQuil for the second time and takes the trash out of my kitchen. I made a lot of trash.

Day 11. Friday April 7, 2023 I'm tired of being sick but not well enough to get out of bed. My mom comes to visit. It is my first human interaction since I saw her on March 27, 2023. I am not designed to be solitary. She stayed in bed with me for a few hours. I wasn't much fun. It was nice to not be alone. 

Day 12. Saturday April 8, 2023 I am still sick. I am trying to take less NyQuil. Covid has done something to my brain. I feel less intelligent. There was diarrhea one morning. I don't remember which one it was. I took a shower one day. Brushed my hair one day. I have brushed my teeth twice, I think. I have changed my clothes a couple times. I need to fill my insulin pump again. I took it off a couple days ago. Last night was difficult. Will I ever get better. I intend to come back daily to let you know how it goes and when I get better. This can be my human interaction. 

Studies have found that a person with Sarcoidosis is no more likely to have a bad reaction to covid than anyone else. My high risk diagnoses are: insulin dependent type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma

I think that is all for now. Love to all. I am looking for the light at the end of this tunnel. I love people. I love Earth. I am eternally seeking ascension. 

Diabetes - What is it? How do we treat it? The social stigma of it all.

Disclaimer:

I am not a medical professional. I am a patient talking about what I have learned in my life by being the child and grandchild of Diabetics and from my 14 years of experience managing this disease for myself. 

I also recognize that my experience comes from a place of privilege. I have health insurance that enables me to try all of the available medications, get all the supplies needed to monitor my blood sugar in whatever way works best for me and to have an insulin pump. I also have the ability to go to the doctor and look for a different doctor if that one doesn't work for me. I acknowledge that not everyone has access to these resources. I wish that wasn't true but it is. Some people with Diabetes have to eat whatever is available to them and don't have insurance to care for their disease. That is not fair. Our system is broken and I am always looking for ways to fix it.  

I am a white woman of 100% European descent living in a big city in the United States of America. I recognize that this colors my experience. 

*************************************************************************************

I talk about racism and sexism and ways they hurt us and how we can fix them. Here is another one we need to work on. What do we call it? Medical diseaseism?? Ok that is not a word. I don't know the word for othering people with a medical disease and feeling like we have the right to judge their behavior and their illness as a punishment for misbehaving.

That is what our society does to Diabetics. 

What is Diabetes?

From the Oxford Languages dictionary:

di·a·be·tes

/ˌdīəˈbēdēz,ˌdīəˈbēdis/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. a disease in which the body’s ability to produce or respond to the hormone insulin is impaired, resulting in abnormal metabolism of carbohydrates and elevated levels of glucose in the blood and urine.

When Diabetes was first discovered the doctor would taste the urine. It was diagnosed if the urine tasted sweet. Thankfully it is not tested that way anymore. Gross!!

I want to take this opportunity to educate my readers and talk about what is really happening. 

First let talk about the difference between type 1 and type 2. What it is and what it isn't. 

Have you heard of adult onset Diabetes and childhood Diabetes? Have you heard of fat people Diabetes and skinny people Diabetes? Those are not real things. There is type 1 Diabetes and type 2 Diabetes. I have also heard of type 1.5. What do those terms mean? It is really simple actually. 

Type 1 = the pancreas doesn't produce any insulin at all. Insulin is necessary for the body to process sugar. Sugar is necessary for our bodies to function. So, a type 1 Diabetic has to take insulin or they will die. It used to be an automatic death sentence. Now, with proper treatment these people can live a long life. It used to be thought of childhood onset or skinny person Diabetes. It doesn't hit some people until they are adults. This is considered an autoimmune disorder.

Type 2 = the pancreas doesn't work correctly. The body doesn't produce enough insulin and/or the cells have become insulin resistant so the body doesn't process sugar correctly. There are a lot of drugs available for type 2 Diabetics. Most of them are new and it is really trial and error. Some of us use insulin. Type 2 Diabetes can also kill people. There is an epidemic of this disease. A lot of people die from it. It is accepted in our society for these people to be judged as fat, lazy, undisciplined and that it is their fault that they have this disease. It used to be thought of as adult onset or fat person Diabetes. More and more children are getting this disease. You don't have to be fat to have type 2 Diabetes.

Type 1.5 = this disease seems to start as type 2 but gradually turns into type 1 it is an autoimmune disease that appears slowly instead of suddenly. Recognizing this disease seems to be relatively new. No, I don't have this. I am type 2.

What is insulin and why do we need it?

From the Oxford Languages dictionary:

in·su·lin

/ˈinsələn/

Learn to pronounce

noun

BIOCHEMISTRY

noun: insulin

1. a hormone produced in the pancreas by the islets of Langerhans, which regulates the amount of glucose in the blood. The lack of insulin causes a form of diabetes.

   • an animal-derived or synthetic form of insulin used to treat diabetes.

   
   

After you eat a meal your body releases insulin. The insulin tells the cells to open up and let in the glucose. Whatever is not taken in by the cells is stored in the liver and muscles.

What is glucose?

From the Oxford Languages dictionary:

glu·cose

/ˈɡlo͞okōs,ˈɡlo͞okōz/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. a simple sugar which is an important energy source in living organisms and is a component of many carbohydrates.

   • a syrup containing glucose and other sugars, made by hydrolysis of starch and used in the food industry.

What is insulin resistance?

Insulin resistance means that the cells won't open up and let the glucose in. That is bad. Our cells need glucose. Your cells running without glucose is like your house running without electricity or a a combustion engine running without fuel. Our brains use a lot of glucose. That is why it is hard to think if you are starving. So, a person who is insulin resistant can eat and still have a difficult time functioning. That is why you see type 2 Diabetics that are fat but they feel like they NEED a candy bar or a soda. Their brain is telling them...I can't function! Get me some sugar!!! So they do. And for a little bit they feel better and they think clearer. But because their cells are not absorbing most of the sugar they just consumed it goes to be stored in their liver and muscles. This leads to Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease. That can lead to Cirrhosis of the Liver which has its own set of societal judgements. It is mostly believed to only be a disease of alcoholics. Alcoholism is an addiction. Our society judges addicts very harshly. So, a person with insulin resistance can get a disease which most people believe is only a disease of an addict and now they are judged as a fat, lazy, addict with no self control. They are dying and society is judging them for it. 

I once had a sweet doctor lean in and look me in the eye and ask, "Are you sure you don't drink alcohol?" I was a practicing Mormon at the time and drinking alcohol was against my religion but because my liver looked so bad, she had a hard time believing me.

How do we cure Diabetes?

No one knows. Lots of people claim to know. I have tried a keto diet. My insulin resistance got worse. I have tried a vegan diet. It didn't work either. I have tried gastric bypass surgery. I thought that was going to work. I was actually released from diabetic care for a couple months. It didn't last. Not eating does seem to help but it is not sustainable. So, since we can't cure it the next question is...

How do we treat Diabetes?

This is a tough question. A lot of people think they have the answer.  A lot of doctors think they have the answer. My experience is that it is not the same for every person. Each person has to try several treatments until they find the one that is right for them. And the really hard part is that a treatment can work for a long time and then quit working so they have to look for a new treatment. 

It can appear that Diabetes is curable. Take my husband for example. He acquired type 2 Diabetes from taking Prednisone for another health condition. He was lucky in the sense that he quit taking Prednisone and the Diabetes went away. But he has to be careful because it could come back. He also seems to have a more difficult time processing sugar than he used to. So, I would not say he is cured. Another example is when my Diabetes seemed to go away for a couple months following Gastric Bypass surgery. I seemed cured. But I wasn't. You can treat your Diabetes so well that it disappears and never reappears. I don't call that a cure. I call that well controlled Diabetes. Because there is always that possibility that it could come back. 

Like I said previously, for Type 1 Diabetes the only treatment is insulin. Unless there is some new discovery that I am unaware of. There are different kinds of insulin but that is what your body needs so, there aren't a lot of options.

For type 2 Diabetes there are lots of options and even more opinions. 

Medication - it seems like every day there are new medications on the market to treat type 2 Diabetes. I have tried many of them. My body has trouble with lots of medications. I have had a bad reaction to every Diabetes medication that I have tried except for insulin. No one knows why. It is just true. 

Metformin - this is the go to drug for Diabetes in our society. If it works then it helps a person's body respond correctly to insulin. It is great for some people if the problem is insulin resistance. It must work because it is so widely used. At least that is my thought process. I think it worked for me in the beginning. Eventually my confusing body started getting sick every time I would take it. So, listen to your body.

For a lot of people Metformin alone is not enough so they need another drug to stimulate insulin production in the pancreas. One example of this is glipizide. My body doesn't like that either.

There is another drug that I encountered as an injection. I think it was weekly. One of the ones I tried was called Bydureon. This sounds like magic to me. It is causes your body to make more insulin when your blood sugar is high. Isn't that interesting? I imagine it is awesome when it works. I tried 2 different ones. Each one caused me so much pain in my pancreas that I felt like I was going to die. Once I did go to the hospital. But, I am not the usual case. It works for a lot of people.

That leaves me with insulin. 

Even with insulin you have short acting, rapid acting, intermediate acting, long acting and extra long acting. I have no idea how they do all of that. 

Then you have injections or you have pumps. There is no way to get away from the needle. 

I have a pump. Managing my Diabetes just felt too hard, so I have a pump. It makes things much easier. But I still have a lot to do to manage it. That is where I get in trouble with my Endocrinologist and they seem mean.

What is an Endocrinologist?

en·do·cri·nol·o·gist

/ˌendəkrəˈnäləjəst/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. a medical practitioner qualified to diagnose and treat disorders of the endocrine glands and hormones.

   "he is a well-respected endocrinologist who specializes in treating both Type I and Type II diabetes"

A lot of people who have Type 2 Diabetes can have their treatment managed by their primary doctor. Even if they are referred to an Endocrinologist they usually won't see the doctor. Their care will be managed by a Diabetes Educator. Diabetes has become so common that there aren't enough Endocrinologists to treat all of the Diabetic patients. 

I have been treated by an Endocrinologist since 2017. That is when I was hospitalized due to my reaction to Metformin. I see an Endocrinologist for multiple reasons but it was impossible for me to find one that I would describe as "nice". Why is that?

2017 was a tough year for me. I was searching for diagnoses and medical specialists to help me. What I really wanted was a pill to make it so I could get up and go to work every day. That pill doesn't exist. I am still on disability. Diabetes was a part of that process. In my search for an Endocrinologist I had to work hard to get an appointment with an actual doctor. My case was rare and I needed someone with more education to help me figure it out. One doctor came in the room angry. I guess reading my chart made here angry. She said, if you are here for Diabetes I am leaving the room. Rude! I can't even remember now what my questions were. But I remember how she treated me and how being near her felt. I was in Utah at the time. I ended up finding a doctor in Provo who was not nice but he was knowledgeable and he was willing to see me and help me with my conditions. I took it! I saw him for 5 years. He did get nicer as time progressed but it was never an easy relationship. 

I recently moved to Arizona. Yesterday I met my new Endocrinologist. She is so nice! It was such a relief. She took the time to listen, answer all of my questions, order appropriate tests and schedule a follow up. She even took the time to listen to my mom and answer her questions and my mom is not even her patient! The best part! She is not a fellow, she is a full doctor, and she is younger than me so she probably won't be retiring or moving away any time soon. Yay!!!

She did tell me again that I am not using my pump correctly and explained why I need to and how it will make me feel better. we will get back to that.

Why do Endocrinologists seem "mean"?

I can only tell you my theories based on the Endocrinologist that I saw for the past 5 years. Part of it could be culture. He is from a different country. I was going to tell you which one but I realize that I don't really know so I would be guessing. But the more I think about it, I don't think that is true and it perpetuates racism. So, let's skip that even if it is the easiest explanation.

My health has gotten more and more complex as time goes on. I could visibly see that this caused my endocrinologist stress. He would look over my chart. He was very thorough. And he would say, "this is too much, we can't cover this much in one appointment." In our last couple of appointments I would say, "that is ok. Just focus on the thyroid." He would ask me how I was treating my other conditions and then proceed to focus on the thyroid. I would see a Nurse Practitioner in his office for the Diabetes. 

I don't want you to think I have anything against Nurse Practitioners. They are amazing. In fact, one of my children is a Nurse Practitioner. They can specialize and in most cases treat a patient just as well as a Medical Doctor. They are a doctor of sorts. They have a Doctorate in Practical Nursing. They had to go to graduate school and do a residency. I have had great relationships with many Nurse Practitioners. 

The key in this story is time. They are taught in medical school about the stereotypical beliefs about Diabetics that we need to lose weight and exercise. Then, they are given a 15 minute appointment to hear our story and our unique situation and offer a solution. They are asked to do the impossible and be kind about it. That is just not fair. Not to us and not to them. 

The nice doctor was not looking at the clock. Somehow her environment was different so she didn't feel the time constraint so severely and she took the time to really listen. 

Nutritionist:

Usually a Diabetic will be referred to a Nutritionist. This always frustrated me because they felt out of touch. There are lots of foods I can't eat and I was always trying a new diet to cure my conditions. They don't know what to do with me. I am a difficult patient for a Nutritionist/Dietician.

Monitoring your glucose:

A Diabetic has to keep track of their glucose levels in their blood. There are 3 ways to do this. They all involve needles. Some products advertise in a way that led me to believe that they could do it without a needle. It is not possible. Yet. Maybe someday. 

A1C - this is a test that your doctor will do to determine if you are a Diabetic. They can do it with a fingerstick in the office or they can send you to have your blood drawn. It gives a 3 month average of the glucose in your blood. I don't know how that works but it is awesome. The goal is to be below 5.7. That is normal (not Diabetic). Between 5.7 and 6.5 is called PreDiabetes. You aren't Diabetic but if you are not careful, you could be. Anything above 6.5 is considered Diabetes. When I decided I needed Gastric Bypass surgery my A1C was 12.

Finger Stick - this is the most common. There is a device called a glucose monitor. You will have lancets to poke a hole in your finger and test strips that you put in the monitor. You put a drop of blood on the test strip and it tells you what your blood glucose is at that moment in time. If it is too low you need to eat something containing sugar or carbohydrates. If it is too high you need to take a walk or administer insulin or both. Monitoring your insulin can help a Diabetic decide what they can and cannot eat and help them to make decisions on self care.

Continuous Glucose Monitor - this is my favorite and what I have now. There are a few different ones out there. I use a Dexcom G6 because it goes on my belly. I used to have a Freestyle on my arm but I walk into walls and doorways on a regular basis and I was always knocking it off. Fortunately my belly doesn't hit things very often. These are cool because you can look at your smartphone or a device that goes with the monitor to see what your glucose level is at any time. If you don't feel good, you can look to see if your blood sugar levels may be causing it. It is not needle free. There is a needle that goes in your skin at insertion. There is a plastic catheter that remains in the skin for the 10 days that the device is attached. The one I use has to be changed every 10 days. Sometimes it irritates my skin. My favorite part of this device is that it talks to my insulin pump. My pump is able to give me insulin without me doing anything or it can pause the insulin. That does get me in trouble because I don't use my pump the way I am supposed to. I will go into that next.

How to use a pump:

Ok. Let's talk about the pump. Technology is always improving. That has been great for Diabetics. I currently have a Tandem pump. It talks to my glucose monitor and makes decisions for me based on the information that was programmed into it. It connects to my belly with a needle. The needle is then removed leaving a plastic catheter in my skin where it can deliver the insulin. This connection needs to be changed every 3 days. If I leave it longer it eventually starts to hurt and itch and the skin gets hard. The insulin in my pump has to be refilled. Before my Gastric Bypass surgery I was using 300 units of insulin a day and had to refill my pump every day. Now I only use about 12-15 units a day so I refill it once or twice a week. I probably should do it more often. 

Yep. I just looked it up. The insulin in a pump should be discarded after 48 hours. 

Self care is overwhelming when you have a chronic health condition. Diabetes is a chronic disease. I get tired of taking medications and taking care of my pump and everything else I have to do. And to be honest I do not do all of it all of the time. And that gets me in trouble. 

To properly use a pump you have to learn about carbohydrates and how to count them. 20 minutes before each meal you need to enter the number of carbohydrates you are going to eat in the pump so it can deliver the insulin before you eat. I think I have had my pump for about 3 years. I still am not good at that. Maybe that is part of why I don't like going to see the Nutritionist. Their main job is to teach us to count carbs. I know how to count carbs. I just don't do it. It feels like too much work. 

That frustrates my Endocrinologists and Diabetes Educators and Nutritionists. 

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. I have not even told you all of my health conditions or all of the things that I have to do to manage them. I am only talking about Diabetes in this post. 

So, once again I have promised to try harder to use my pump correctly. It is scary. Blood sugar lows are scarier than highs in my opinion. If I give myself the insulin and then get distracted or my stomach hurts and I can't finish my food I have too much insulin. 

But I really have to face my fears and figure this out. Because Diabetes is scary. It is one of the scarier diagnoses that I have received. Because it is so common a lot of people think it is no big deal. 

But it is.

What are bad things that can happen as a result of Diabetes?

Short term it makes you feel sick. It makes it harder to think. 

Long term it can lead to:

Blindness

Loss of limbs

Neuropathy

Heart Attack

Stroke

Kidney Failure

Cirrhosis of the Liver

Loss of Teeth

Mental Health Issues

Ketoacidosis

There are probably more that I can't think of. 

If you want to research this, search complications of diabetes on cdc.gov or diabetes.org

Can't we just fix it all with diet?

I think diet is an important factor and can help. But in my family there were insulin dependent Diabetics before our food system changed. My mom did successfully manage her Diabetes with diet from the time she was 23 until she was a senior citizen. I wasn't able to do that. 

The dietary component that seems to be helpful is to limit carbohydrates. But we need some so you can not eliminate them. Sometimes you need to eat fruit or sugar. That is ok. Don't shame yourself for it. Listen to your body and do the best you can. If someone thinks they have all the answers, you can listen if you want to. Take the parts that work for you and ignore the rest. I think they mean well. 

Self Care

It is important to do all of the regular self care items such as:

getting enough sleep

maintaining a healthy diet

exercise

routine health care

a healthy spiritual practice

exercise your brain

But if you are doing all of this and you still have Diabetes it is not your fault. Blame has never cured anyone. Blame and shame make disease worse, not better. We cannot shame anyone well. 

I hope this post is helpful. 

Photo by Mykenzie Johnson on Unsplash

I Am A Witch

 How does that make you feel?

I knew instinctively that I was a witch. I began really delving into spirituality in 2018 and one day I just said to myself, "I am a witch." I was nervous to tell anyone else. I selectively chose a few people to tell and I did not get burned at the stake.

I could not have told you why I was a witch other than that it felt right. 

For the past 4 years or so I have learned more about it through youtube, an online coven that I joined and exploring pagan practices. 

It reminded me of a time when my kids were in high school. This was around 2007 in Minnesota. My daughter had shared some teen fiction about witches and it resonated with me so much that I wanted to join a coven. I tried. I really tried. I contacted someone and drove over an hour to meet them in a small town. I sat there and they never showed up. I was so disappointed. That was the end of my venture into witchcraft for then. 

In 2018 I started my own facebook group and gingerly put out there to a small group of friends, my witchy ways and beliefs. 

In 2019 I left Mormonism for good. That is the religion I was raised in. The reason I think that is an important part of the story is because in 2007 when I looked into it, I was an active mormon mom with 2 teenagers at home, 2 at college, and my niece and nephew living with me. Witchcraft is not a religion so I didn't see any contradiction in being Mormon while being a witch.

Why did I leave the church then? Simple. I have my own morals and values and many parts of the church violate my morals. I am living a more authentic life now. That means that I don't follow any rules or belong to any organization that violates my morals. 

I often have to think about being American. I don't agree with the government all the time. They regularly violate my morals. However, we don't choose where we were born. And as much as some people like to say, "If you don't like it here, leave." It is not that simple either. So, I am still here and I will remain here. 

What is a witch? 

Prepare yourself for a long answer because this is not a simple question. 

It is important to note that I am of European descent. So is my country. The English got dibs on this land and kept it until the people that settled here decided they didn't want to be English anymore. The majority of American immigrants are from Europe. Or at least they were. I am not really sure if that is true anymore. I feel like I should add that this country was founded by white European MEN of wealth. From what I understand they didn't want anyone who was not white, male, or wealthy to have any power. Anyone that didn't fit that description was not worthy of respect or to be treated with kindness. Maybe I am wrong but that is what I understand of American history. A lot of people have suffered in the past and continue to suffer today. 

The witch craze really started in Germany. I am going to mention a YouTube video as a source on parts of this. I really enjoyed it. Here is the link: https://youtu.be/6Da0pwR-woE I am not entirely sure how it started but I know that it is rooted in misogyny. That is a weird word for the belief that men are better than women. Here is the google definition:

mi·sog·y·ny

/məˈsäjənē/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

   "she felt she was struggling against thinly disguised misogyny"

The foundations are also in antisemitism. That is a big word for the belief that Jewish people are bad. So according to the above referenced YouTube video some people think that the witches hat came from a hat that the Jewish people wore in Germany. That hat was turned from a mark of distinction to a mark of shame by the people who didn't like Jewish people in Germany. 

What really came from Germany was the Malleus Maleficarum. This was written by a Catholic Clergyman as a guide to locate witches, prove they are witches and prosecute them. I really think he just didn't like women and wanted to torture them. 

There are so many things wrong with the Malleus Maleficarum. I will save that for another post. 

In England witchcraft was used to persecute a lot of people but the ones I am going to talk about are the Quakers. I am actually descended from them. They immigrated to Pennsylvania to escape religious persecution. They preached against taxation. That was very upsetting to the monarchy. They also had women preachers. That was against the church of England who didn't begin ordaining women until the 1990s. That sounds really bad but in Mormonism women are still not allowed to be ordained. 

The Quakers gave us the appearance of the modern witch. The conical wide brimmed hat. 

Another thing I learned recently but I cannot give you a source for is the reason that witches are portrayed as being hideous. After being arrested, they were put in dungeons where they were tortured and starved and would often get sick. By the time they were marched through town to be burned or executed, they looked hideous indeed. They would have cuts and bruises and messy hair and possible be naked or have filthy clothing. 

In my group I have often struggled with sharing religion or politics. Most groups I am in avoid those things. I realized that I cannot avoid them. You see, I am a witch because I stand against them. I am a witch because of religion, politics and misogyny. 

What is a witch really?

Before Christianity, before the roman empire spread across Europe, my people were people of the Earth. They were tribal people. They were pagan people. They loved the Earth and all of her seasons. They had many different Gods who helped them with their daily survival. Their concerns were staying alive, having food and shelter, having community and love. I am not saying they were perfect but they did not go around wiping out entire cultures. I am descended from mostly simple people. Simple is not a bad thing. It does not mean stupid. It means that they did not strive to conquer the world. They strived to live in it. They gathered from what nature provided them. 

There is a myth that witches are bound to Satan. Satan is a Christian creation. Before Christianity my people did not know of Satan. 

To me a witch is a person who celebrates nature and their connection to the Earth and the senses. 

To be a witch is to be feminist. You cannot be a witch and not be feminist. To be a witch is to stand against the patriarchy and misogyny. To be a witch is to use all of the power at your disposal to bring the highest good to yourself and those around you. 

That includes discussions of religion and politics. 

I am a witch. 

I am not sorry. I will not apologize. 

I have a distinct problem with WICCA. Why? Because it was started by men. It looks to me like the perpetuation of men taking over what a woman has and making theirs. Historically if women were independent, found a way to make money or were old. Men would call them a witch and have them persecuted if they could. If they saw a woman making money and doing it well they would drive her out of business so they could claim that income as their own. Old women were a threat because they no longer wanted to tolerate being mistreated by men. 

That is why in 2022 we are still fighting for equality in the United States of America. That is why in 2022 the supreme court overturned Roe v Wade and essentially said that a woman does not have the right to choose what happens to her own body. That was a case that in 1973 won women the right to legally have an abortion. 

I am a witch because I believe that women have a right to choose what happens to their own bodies. 

I used 3 wikipedia articles for reference on this post.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malleus_Maleficarum

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_hat

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe_v._Wade

Check out the new theme song for us that was just released:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9oazB7lWRw